Why; Just Why. k3

Ugh. Why am I feeling this way? It feels painful and depressing. It comes from within my heart and spreads all over me. I hate this feeling but most of all, I hate myself for feeling this way because of you. It's all because of you and I don't want it to be anymore. I can't go on like this, thinking of you, wanting to be with you. Fuck. It's getting old, I need to get a grip and move on. I wish you knew how much it hurts when you like someone so much, always hoping they would like you back they just don't seem to show any interest. I hurts...a lot, trust me. So when you have a two way crush, take the opportunity because it's the best you can get. But when you have a one way crush, take the opportunity to recheck on reality and learn how to get a move on. No one wants to tear their hearts in two themselves, and I don't want to be doing that to myself anymore.

I thought we were cool. I thought we could inch closer to the idea of us together. But clearly there's no chance. I'm trying to fix all the bumps in our relationship as friends, trying to fix all of your mistakes but you take me for granted. You made another mistake and counted on me to fix it. I care for you and I thought you cared for me, but clearly you don't. I don't know what I'm going to do about this. I just know it's tearing me down and I have to do something soon. Don't blame me because I know all these bad feelings are because of you, but I never blame you for them. I blame myself. I blame me for everything you do. But do you care and do the same thing for me? No. You don't. And you never will. You do care for others. The others that don't know you as well as I do. The ones that appeal to you in the stupidest ways are the ones to care for. And the ones that know and understand you, you don't give a shit about.

I'm sorry I'm being so negative about you. But I know I need to move on. This is the only way I can, and I intend on killing this stupid crush. I've killed many crushes before, but I know this one will be the hardest. We'll fix it for the best. As of this moment, I don't want to like you anymore and I hope that you won't draw me back towards you more that a friend again. Why, just why does this have to be? k3

"If you really love someone, set your heart free to them. If their heart comes back to you, it's yours. If not it wasn't meant to be." -Unknown.